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Families and Loved Ones

Families and Loved Ones (3)

We often hope for holiday visits with aging parents to be sentimental celebrations. For some adult children, though, the holiday visit can be a distressing time. Subtle signs may surface, indicating their parent is not taking proper care of themself—and it may be time to consider assisted living. 

You may already be familiar with the more obvious warning signs that an aging parent is not able to live on their own, such as frequent falls, persistent forgetfulness, hoarding, lack of social relationships, misuse of medication, and overdue bills. During holiday visits, adult children can pay attention for subtle signs that an aging parent needs assisted living care.

When visiting an aging parent, be observant of the following:

  • Is their home environment tidy and relatively clean? Or, is there an odor, dirty sinks/toilets/floors, and general messiness that is not typical for them? 
  • Are there late notices for bills? Is mail piled up?
  • Do they appear unsteady in their gait? navigating stairs? difficulty rising from or lowering to a chair?
  • Do you notice any weight loss? 
  • Are they maintaining personal hygiene?
  • Do they see friends, engage with social groups, or do they spend more time alone?
  • Are they taking medications properly? (count pills and check refill dates)
  • Do they become defensive about you touching their things or helping to tidy up?
  • Are they quick to anger, more easily frustrated, or impulsive? 

How concerned should you be about changes noticed in an aging parent?

There are many reasons why changes occur in an aging parent. Sometime the changes are transient, even temporary, caused by things like a recent illness or injury, or the loss of a beloved pet, friend or partner. Retirement or societal changes that require personal adaptations (such as to new technologies) can bring about temporary attitudinal and emotional shifts as your parent tries to establish a new sense of meaning and purpose for their life.

While such changes warrant careful monitoring and should be addressed with appropriate physical and emotional support, they likely are not indicators that your parent needs assisted living.

You should be concerned, and ready to consider assisted living care for an aging parent if the changes you notice are persistent, intense or worsening, and if they result in frequent visits to the doctor or hospital. Be on the watch for increased isolation, suspicion that your parent is experiencing more than just holiday blues, or overt signs of emotional and physical hazards or self-harm, which require immediate medical attention. Now would be the time to make inquiries about assisted living care.

Start the Conversation: Is it Time to Move to Assisted Living?

When you realize your aging parent is not able to care for themselves and their living space, you may experience conflicting emotions, too. It’s important to be open and honest with your parent. If having the conversation with them is difficult, consider working an aging advocate who can help you both navigate the decision with impartial support for both of you. It’s a good idea to schedule a tour of senior living communities so your loved one can see what the community offers and how their life can improve in an assisted care environment. 

Everbrook Assisted Living offers support from compassionate counselors who can in help you decide about the residential lifestyle and care that meets your parent’s unique needs. We provide a variety of affordable, quality living options (including Independent Living, Assisted Living, and Memory Care), amenities, and the medical resources an aging parent needs to live a healthy and meaningful life.

Finding the time for holiday shopping, selecting the right gift for each person at the best price – it's enough to stress out even the jolliest of shoppers. When you have a loved one in assisted living, it can be difficult to know what to gift that person. To help you avoid defaulting to baked goods and gift cards, try the suggestions on our list: “Mindful Gift Giving for Loved Ones in Assisted Living”.

What is Mindful Gift Giving?

A mindful approach to gift giving can ease your shopping stress, help you find greater joy in the giving process, and provide your loved one in assisted care with a more meaningful holiday experience.

To give mindfully, you must give some thought to what you know about your loved one in assisted care and pay attention to what is important to them or needed by them. Mindful gift-giving also requires that you slow down and give thought to why you are giving the gift. You can discern this by engaging in the following simple, pre-shopping exercises:

  1. Jot down, on paper rather than using a device (it’s more mindful this way!) the name of your loved one.
  2. Record what you know about the person, as they are, right now, in there senior living space: 
    • What are their likes, their hobbies, their passions? 
    • What are their pet peeves (we’ll get back to this one)? 
    • How do they spend their day? What could make their day easier or the time pass more meaningfully for them?
    • What causes are important to them?
    • Do they have an unmet need that you’ve observed? 
  3. Contemplate the gift with care and intention. Is a physical gift the best choice for this person, or, is the best choice an experiential gift, such as time spent with you or out with friends? (see our list below)
  4. List ideas for gifts related to what you know about the person (Step 1) – include options for both physical gifts (within your budget) and experiential gifts. 

Mindful Gift Giving for Loved Ones in Assisted Living

The gift of presence. If you recognize that your loved one is lonely – missing their significant other who has passed, or not socializing much at their care facility, give the gift of being there with them. Bake holiday treats together, put on holiday classic music from their generation, and stream a few holiday movies. Play games or make holiday crafts, together. 

The gift of skill or talent. Maybe someone needs your unique skills. If you draw, paint, take pictures, offer to do a portrait of the person – make them feel like a model for a day; then hang the portrait when it is ready. If you are an excellent cook, plan a time to create a few day’s worth of healthy meals or snacks (*aligned with their dietary needs). Then, sit down to enjoy one of those meals, together. Or, teach the person your craft or skill.

The gift of memories. Write a note, a poem, or create a collage of photos and captions of special and everyday experiences that you’ve shared with your loved one or that they’ve shared with others across their lifetime. Reminding them of these special times and giving a memento such as this is a wonderful way to give a gift that keeps on giving.

The gift of helping hands. If you noticed they have an old radio with poor reception, update it. Or, if they are still tech savvy, gift them a digital music player and teach them how to use it. (preload it with tunes they will enjoy). Are there repairs to be done around their assisted living apartment that the on-site maintenance doesn’t take care of? Step-up and help out with that. 

If there are grandkids around, all of these mindful approaches provide an opportunity to create lasting memories, and to share in one another’s life experiences.

With this mindful gifting approach, you can add joy and meaning to the holidays for yourself and your loved one.

If you need more ideas, check out this article from Harvard Health. If you still want to go to a traditional route with gift, have a conversation with your loved ones CNA or other on-site care provider before you purchase something that either don’t need or can’t have in their assisted living space.

Everbrook Creates Home for Seniors at Every Level of Care

Everbrook Senior Living embraces the unique needs and qualities of each of our residents. Muchmore than just a place to live, it is our goal to provide a home for every resident. We are involved in every aspect of the design of exceptional, elegant, and affordable residences from independent living to assisted living and hospice care. We offer first-in-class health and wellness programs that are backed by the latest research. Our team of professionals are thoroughly assessed and bring to their work a devotion to the care of older adults, a willingness to learn from them, and the ability to their interests, personal needs, and sense of community. 

Come see for yourself: schedule a visit, today. 

The holiday season can be one of the most difficult times of year for our elderly loved ones. Do you know how to recognize the concerning signs that can indicate your older adult family member is struggling with more than just the holiday blues?

There are several reasons why an elderly family member may experience sadness around the holidays, any of which can be a common part of growing older:

  • Widowed within the past year or previous loss of a partner during the holidays
  • Caretaking for a partner in declining health
  • Coping with their own declining health
  • Loss of the ability to drive or other forms of personal independence
  • Changes in their ability to care for themselves (bathing, household chores)
  • Coping with the death of close friends/family members to COVID-19 and other illness

Grieving over any type of loss and the range of emotions that comes with it is to be expected and it varies by person. However, when grief, sadness, despondency, or other difficult emotions are prolonged and interfere with a senior’s day-to-day vitality, they may be suffering from depression.

More than two million of the 34 million Americans age 65 and older suffer from some form of depression. Depression in seniors can be recognized by concerning signs, such as

  • Not keeping-up the cleanliness of their home environment. Or, if living with you, not keeping their room and personal effects well-maintained.
  • Finding unpaid bills or unopened mail. Receipt of debt collection notices.
  • Noticing that they have lost or gained a noticeable amount of weight.
  • Changes to their eating habits. (forgetting they ate, eating less)
  • Noticing they are not taking prescribed medications. 
  • Avoiding people, loss of interest or enthusiasm for usual activities.
  • Noticeable personality changes, mood swings, or irritability for no apparent reason.
  • Reacting out of proportion to a circumstance.
  • Hearing them be overly critical about or dismissing holiday celebrations/obligations.
  • Noticeable changes in their mobility, balance, or thought process.

Perhaps you have taken steps to address some of these concerning signs:

  • You’ve kept in touch by phone, mail, email and text
  • Encouraged and even arranged for social activities, friendly visits, or home care
  • Helped them explore former and new hobbies, and shared in them together
  • Arranged a support community through local organizations or a type of home care

If the concerning signs you’ve observed in your elderly family member have not improved, then they may be experiencing more than just the holiday blues. Your older-adult family member may have clinical depression—it may be more than they or you can handle on your own. 

You may be asking yourself: Is it time for compassionate assisted living care for my elderly loved one? 

At each of the Everbrook Senior Living Communities, we provide a range of high-quality, compassionate care to support the social, emotional, and physical needs of older adults at every stage of later life. Our residents—your loved one—is considered an extended member of our own family. Through our Assisted Living Program we provide “life at home, with a little help.” We design every aspect of the assisted living program using evidence-based research combined with personalized care and services delivered by well-trained professional medical and community staff. We continually evaluate and implement an up-to-date menu of services to meet the needs of your loved one. It is our passion for service excellence that places each of our senior living communities at the very pinnacle of the industry.

If you feel that your loved one is ready for assisted care, you can speak with an Everbrook community advocate right from our website. Our advocates provide compassionate guidance to help you make the best choice for your elder family member. 

Ready to visit? Schedule an on-site tour of an Everbrook Community. 

Sources

Learn More about Everbrook Assisted Living

Sadovsky, R., “Prevalence and recognition of depression in elderly patients,” American Academy of Family Physicians, 57;5 (1998):1096.

National Institute of Mental Health: 

Depression and Older Adults 

Twitter Chat on Older Adults and Depression

MHANational.org:  Depression and Older Adults: More Facts

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